Luke 11:4 And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us.
Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our sins, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
We often pray this part of the Lord's Prayer way too easily. Have we really forgiven those who have sinned against us? How about those who owe us something?
I usually have my private prayer time just after my husband leaves for work and before I start writing. But this morning I had jury duty. It is Monday as I write this. I write my posts a day ahead of time to give me time to think about them before I publish them. So on the way down here to the court house, since I didn't have my list of things people have asked me to pray with them about, I prayed the Lord's Prayer instead. I stepped through each sentence holding my life up next to them and considering how God was speaking into my life.
When I got to this "asking forgiveness" part of the prayer, immediately a person that I know popped into my head. I haven't thought of them in years. They were an angry, but rather feeble-minded person controlled and manipulated by their extended family who cared very little about them personally, but often used them for their own agenda. In fact, their extended family would make fun of them and speak ill of them behind their back. I thought back to a situation where their family had pointed them at me (the new pastor in town) in order to intimidate me.
It was sort of like sending Stanley Tucci's character, Muerte, in "Undercover Blues" after me. Except not nearly as entertaining. This person couldn't reason their way through even simple situations so all they knew how to do was to lash out. Kind of like a mafia thug. Hurling threats. Shaking a finger in my face - slamming their fist against a table. Acting as angry and as mean as possible.
As I prayed this morning, I thought about this person's spouse and children - how they probably have had to deal with quite a lot on a daily basis. There had been stories of this person killing the family pet during a fit of rage and of forcing slow driving strangers off the road causing serious harm.
I also thought about the time they had run out of work and I prayed with them about finding a job - and they found one the next week. How excited they were that God had answered their prayer. I thought about their loved one who has an incurable disease and how they told me once that they think God made this happen to their loved one as a punishment. And yet, they were mad at God because they felt that, all in all, they were a good person and didn't deserve God's punishment. There were so many problems in that logic that it was hard to help them understand how much God loves them and their loved one.
And then I remembered how they had created lies and spread them about me. I knew it wasn't their own doing - their extended family had purposed it - encouraged it - rewarded them for it with attention and praise they never got otherwise. The lies were thinly veiled and easily debunked - there had been plenty of witnesses to the situation in question - so the lies really didn't matter. But it was unsettling. The intermediary sent to intervene commented afterward that they had been afraid to look this person in the eyes during the meeting for fear of them becoming violent.
Had I forgiven this person? Had I forgiven their extended family? Could I really pray: "Forgive me my sins, for I have forgiven them." What does forgiveness look like? Do I need to tell them that I have forgiven them? You know in order to tell someone that you forgive them, you have to at least insinuate that they have done something wrong. How is that going to go over? I'd be putting myself in danger!
How did Jesus demonstrate forgiveness? On the cross, Jesus, who is in excruciating pain, said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." He forgave these people who were hurting him by asking God to forgive them. And it wasn't just saying the words - Jesus meant it completely. So I prayed that God would forgive this person and their family - asking God to help me mean it too. Immediately, I became grateful for all the times that God has forgiven me. And for all the people who have forgiven me. I felt humbled that I live in God's grace - not because I deserve it, but because God is merciful and loves me. I felt hope in God's transformative work in the world. I had seen it at work in my life (it still is!) - I knew it could work in other's lives too.
We aren't following in the way of Jesus if we have un-forgiveness in our hearts. But we are never following Jesus closer than when we offer and receive forgiveness.
I usually have my private prayer time just after my husband leaves for work and before I start writing. But this morning I had jury duty. It is Monday as I write this. I write my posts a day ahead of time to give me time to think about them before I publish them. So on the way down here to the court house, since I didn't have my list of things people have asked me to pray with them about, I prayed the Lord's Prayer instead. I stepped through each sentence holding my life up next to them and considering how God was speaking into my life.
When I got to this "asking forgiveness" part of the prayer, immediately a person that I know popped into my head. I haven't thought of them in years. They were an angry, but rather feeble-minded person controlled and manipulated by their extended family who cared very little about them personally, but often used them for their own agenda. In fact, their extended family would make fun of them and speak ill of them behind their back. I thought back to a situation where their family had pointed them at me (the new pastor in town) in order to intimidate me.
It was sort of like sending Stanley Tucci's character, Muerte, in "Undercover Blues" after me. Except not nearly as entertaining. This person couldn't reason their way through even simple situations so all they knew how to do was to lash out. Kind of like a mafia thug. Hurling threats. Shaking a finger in my face - slamming their fist against a table. Acting as angry and as mean as possible.
As I prayed this morning, I thought about this person's spouse and children - how they probably have had to deal with quite a lot on a daily basis. There had been stories of this person killing the family pet during a fit of rage and of forcing slow driving strangers off the road causing serious harm.
I also thought about the time they had run out of work and I prayed with them about finding a job - and they found one the next week. How excited they were that God had answered their prayer. I thought about their loved one who has an incurable disease and how they told me once that they think God made this happen to their loved one as a punishment. And yet, they were mad at God because they felt that, all in all, they were a good person and didn't deserve God's punishment. There were so many problems in that logic that it was hard to help them understand how much God loves them and their loved one.
And then I remembered how they had created lies and spread them about me. I knew it wasn't their own doing - their extended family had purposed it - encouraged it - rewarded them for it with attention and praise they never got otherwise. The lies were thinly veiled and easily debunked - there had been plenty of witnesses to the situation in question - so the lies really didn't matter. But it was unsettling. The intermediary sent to intervene commented afterward that they had been afraid to look this person in the eyes during the meeting for fear of them becoming violent.
Had I forgiven this person? Had I forgiven their extended family? Could I really pray: "Forgive me my sins, for I have forgiven them." What does forgiveness look like? Do I need to tell them that I have forgiven them? You know in order to tell someone that you forgive them, you have to at least insinuate that they have done something wrong. How is that going to go over? I'd be putting myself in danger!
How did Jesus demonstrate forgiveness? On the cross, Jesus, who is in excruciating pain, said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." He forgave these people who were hurting him by asking God to forgive them. And it wasn't just saying the words - Jesus meant it completely. So I prayed that God would forgive this person and their family - asking God to help me mean it too. Immediately, I became grateful for all the times that God has forgiven me. And for all the people who have forgiven me. I felt humbled that I live in God's grace - not because I deserve it, but because God is merciful and loves me. I felt hope in God's transformative work in the world. I had seen it at work in my life (it still is!) - I knew it could work in other's lives too.
We aren't following in the way of Jesus if we have un-forgiveness in our hearts. But we are never following Jesus closer than when we offer and receive forgiveness.
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