Mark 11:25 "Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses."
Later in Matthew, Jesus tells a story (Mt 18:21-35):
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
One of my Christian counseling professors pointed out that a book called "The Wounded Healer" had become popular. And that it was becoming trendy to hold onto our wounds with pride. It has become cool to stand in front of your friends and say, "I have abandonment issues", but not "I have been healed of my abandonment issues." It is cool to stand in front of your friends and say, "Pray for me, I can't forgive someone who has hurt me." But it is not cool to say, "I forgave someone who hurt me." We live in a Christianity where being wounded is cool, but being healed is arrogant. Our professor poised the question to us, "Instead of being the wounded healer, why not just get healed?" Jesus wants to heal you.
Being healed requires we both forgive and accept forgiveness.
I once had a neighbor who wore her "I have abandonment issues" badge with pride everywhere she went. If she were rude, it was because of her abandonment issues. Everyone was supposed to understand and excuse her behavior. If she didn't want to go out to eat where the rest of her family wanted to go - well, if they loved her, then they'd better go to her favorite restaurant or she would feel abandoned again and the night (perhaps the whole weekend) would be completely ruined for everyone! The rest of the world was supposed to acknowledge that she had been hurt and that she deserved special consideration because of it for the rest of her life. The world was to understand that she was to be forgiven her rude behavior and demands. But that because of her abandonment issues, she was excused from forgiving others.
The person who prides themselves with their wounds has not accepted God's power to be healed and forgiven. Nor have they let themselves be transformed into a forgiving person.
We are never more Christ-like than when we forgive others - especially those who do not deserve it.
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